Mercury

So anyway, this comic was practically a conversation we had when it came to watching bad sci fi / fantasy and bad TV in general.  I had attempted to go back in time and appreciate Xena for what nostalgia had told me it was and I realized it was simply scantily clad women running around kicking men in the face. I’m okay with that for the most part, but the dialogue was just SO bad.  It happened to be an Amazon women episode so the scantily part was extra scantily but it just didn’t seem to be enough.  I mean, come on, I have the internet if I really wanted even more or less depending on what it is.  Needless to say, I was called out for being “gay” in that I couldn’t finish watching the episode after having made the mistake of mentioning it to a bunch of jagoffs.  We thus watched the remainder of the episode which I must say had far fewer boobies than the first half of the episode. I guess they missed out.

Scantily.

- mich

So apparently I’m late; not exactly for a very important date, mind you, but the comic was posted late in the eve of Monday rather than early morn.  I got caught up in Olympic hockey and general tomfoolery and decided sleep was the inevitable goal that wasn’t going to be trumped by a comic.  And that’s usually not the case.

The comic is an artist’s rendition of what took place in this town not too long ago when the epic age of snow and ice hit our village and left so many stranded for countless days.  Funny thing is, you did not hear about as many drive bys or gang shootings that “plague” our “mean” streets.  We hardly have the gun violence of much bigger slum holes like Baltimore, but it was still nice to know that I wasn’t at risk of being shot up when going down to the local gas station. (People have been shot in that vicinity so it kind of is a genuine concern at times.) I’d have just been run over because we all know it’s hard to find snow tires to fit those 20 inch spinny rims.

- mich

The "holiday" of this past weekend musters a collage of feelings within our culture as to the necessity (and sanity) of celebrating it and to what extent.  We chose to celebrate the Chinese New Year instead, simply by virtue of the coincidence that it fell on the same day.  Television certainly celebrates in its own conflicted way, with some stations spewing forth the mush, and others taking a hard line approach.  The latter was the path for one station in particular,  one that usually focuses on gaming, which stooped to broadcasting a show that  hunts and pursues infidelity as though Steve Irwin were captaining the safari.  This struck me as a strange recipe from their normal fair, and I imagined something more pertinent would involve XBox's finding out their players had PS3, and the bastard love children that resulted.

This show also struck a little close to home for myself, as I myself have recently strayed.  I was away, far far away on holiday overseas.  Not that its any justisfication, but I have needs.  Needs that couldn't be met when so far apart.  I was drunk, I wanted to check my email, and I left my PC here.  What else is a guy supposed to do but pay for those kind of services?  It was cheap too, only a buck.  That's the cheapest email outside of Bangkok.  It's OK because we were in different zip codes, and I used protection.  I didn't go Mac though, because, well, that's just sick.  I don't swing that way man.

For those who dearly missed the lack of Thursday post, we do apologize.  Personal affairs (mostly work) conflicted with writing something about snow.  Snow.  Yes, we got some.  And nobody can shut the fuck up about it.  Apparently even my editor feels I should have written a few words about it, it was that important. The world isn't ending, life will go on.  I'm in agreement with my cohort here in the DP office that it is a refreshing break from the monotony of Western PA winters: cold, rainy, brown.  It looks and feels like winter for once, despite its temporary inconveniences, but I'm more cavalier with my attitude probably because I'm within walking distance of the beer store and cigar shop that it hasn't affected my life as drastically.  Milk and bread are further away, but also rank lower in the priorities of survival provisions.   My power stayed on, I lost Internet for a day.  I shoveled a lot. So did everyone else, so lets move on in life and find the next topic to bitch about in the news.

 -Centzon

Last week, my cohort the Mich, finally decided to venture into the 21^st Century. He actually decided to replace his 200 year old brick with a more current cellular phone model; i.e. one that facilitates the viewing of pictures and colors. It even has some impressive ringtones. By impressive I mean downright hilarious and those of which would be extremely annoying to most people. Aside from that, the Mich splurged a bit and chose to purchase one of them fancy blue-tooth headsets. You know the ones that everyone, even a 10 yr old, has had since early 2007. I’m glad he’s finally up to date with technology. The comic, I’m hoping, was verbatim. I’m not sure, but I can still wish it was.

Unfortunately, he still looks like a douche bag. In fact, I think it enhanced his douchebaginess.

As a side note, we got dumped with A LOT of freaking snow. Yes, my friends, that “a lot” was capitalized for a reason. I think the estimated 8-12 inches turned out more like 4 feet. I only know this because I’m 4’1” inches tall and I can barely breathe out there. Those of you who live where it doesn’t snow, I envy you right now.

I coincidentally had a fight with my alarm clock this morning just after finishing this “strip” last night.  I awoke around six in the morning to the glory of not having to be up for another hour or so.  I was at peace.  I looked at said alarm clock, which just happens to be my old brick Nokia phone, and relaxed back into what I thought was going to be quaint slumber.  In my careless rustling back to sleep, I managed to knock my phone to the ground thus ejecting the battery and removing any life from the device.  Great…  My lifeline for arousal had been disabled.  So I lost a few more precious minutes of sleep to reconstruction and reconciliation.

I don’t use normal alarm clocks anymore.  I can’t stand the noise that protrudes from the depths of their bowels.  I imagine a device so vile that after its normal duties of startling people from slumber, it moves on to bigger and more dreadful things; like snuffing out all human life in existence.  I can conceive no greater terrible act than that to top waking me up.  I’m not a morning person.

The actual inspiration of today’s comic came from our most recent beloved holiday; a holiday that just doesn’t happen enough; for some of us.  I kind of envy Bill Murray’s character in Groundhog Day as I’d like to get my hands on some more time to perfect some skills.  Imagine how the movie would have gone had the day not recurred after robbing a bank.  Maybe that would have made a funnier comic.

Also coincidentally, my cohort, Elans, actually has his alarm clock phone wake him up to the comic verbatim.  I’m not the only one harboring deep running, loathing prejudice for the infernal machines.

- mich

It’s quite obvious that this helpful, and sometimes annoying, tool called email is misrepresented day in and day out by individuals that don’t quite fully understand the definition of “e-mail etiquette”. Whether it is the use of all CAPS, the infamous reply-to-all, or just all around insincerity in word form, the email has been molded into this system of open communication that people find to be an easier way to talk without a filter. No wonder companies invest thousands of dollars in training courses for email etiquette. I know that the idea of sending an email to your ex at 2 am, after being drunk most of the night sounds like a good idea, but it’s not. Seriously, I’ve never done that. I practice good email etiquette. I used text instead. Ha!

One item that most may not be aware of is the long paper trail that emailing leaves behind. For instance, when you send an email to someone, that email is copied to your mailbox and to their mailbox. Well that’s simple enough so far. Throw in an archiving system and you now have one copy in your mailbox, one in the recipients, and one in the archiving system. Ok so here’s where it starts to get tricky. Let’s say the individual you’re sending the email to have their normal online email account setup to use POP3 to an Outlook client on their work PC. They also have their crackberry configured to pull a second copy onto the inbox on their phone. Now you have a copy in your mailbox, their mailbox, their phone, an archiving system, and their work computer. What if their work computer also auto archives all mail? Then what happens if that person forwards an email to another person with a similar setup? That’s a lot of copies. Don’t forget about that metadata!

With the addition of what is known as e-discovery, the law is beginning to intervene more and more with electronic documents. Email is one the most widely used tools today to communicate between individuals. A lot can be said in an email that could prove to be incriminating if a person’s mailbox is reviewed during litigation. It doesn’t stop there. All electronic documents are considered to be relevant forms of evidence during litigation. In that regard, you don’t even need an email sent to another mailbox in order to get busted. Anything put on the inter-webs shouldn’t be considered private at all; not even an email. So next time you think you need to really need to lay into someone for drinking the last cup of coffee, just walk over to them and say it. That way they can’t forward it to someone else and prove how big of a douche you are.

- Elans

It’s 7 Degrees outside, feels like -35. The wolves outside are circling, waiting for me to freeze to death so they can enjoy a sarcastically flavored Popsicle. Some say the heated debate of an up and coming economic revival should be enough to keep most people warm at night, but mass layoffs and budget cutbacks beg to differ. Gas prices are stable, at best, but alternate energy sources are still lacking any unfeigned development. Our focus turns back to the capital, as it always does. Our queries should be more focused on what detrimental actions we partake in that reduced our overall capital, and take action to correct them. The current spotlight is set to a global effort rather than native soil, as it has been for some time now. The wolves are still circling. I suggest that you arm yourself with an arsenal of weaponry through erudition, at least until excise overcomes ROI.

I really intended to add more Easter egg content to today's comic. My brain simply would not allow me to come up with any more ideas to crowd the canvas. Rest assured, maybe, that I’ll be back to some sort of office drama come Thursday. Nobody has been complaining with the recent off kilter content, though. So I’m assuming the Gods are appeased.

- mich